How to Talk About Difficult Experiences

原文 Original post:


How to Talk About Difficult Experiences 

We all respond to upsetting or difficult experiences differently, and it is important to help your child learn how to deal with situations that come up in your family’s life. Below, we have provided some ideas for how to talk to children about difficult experiences.

Maintain routines and normal activities. 
When children experience upsetting or scary situations, it is important that caregivers maintain regular routines and activities as much as possible. Children are better able to cope with difficult experiences when their home is safe and predictable.

Remain calm and reassuring. 
Children take their cues from you, especially young children. Reassure your child that family and friends will take care of them and that life will return to normal.

Talk about it. 
As much as you may be tempted to protect your child by not discussing the difficult experience, it is important to talk to them directly and openly. Children see and hear a lot more than we think they do, and are able to sense stress in the family.

Start by finding out what your child knows. 
A good starting point to the conversation is to ask your child to tell you what they know, saw, or heard. By directly asking your child for information, you can get a sense of their ability to understand what happened and how they feel about the situation. Do not assume that your child will feel a certain way. Tell your child that you want to talk about what happened and how they are feeling.

“You heard me crying earlier when I found out that Grandma is in the hospital.What else did you hear?”
“Your big brother told me that you saw a fight on your way home from school today. Come sit down with me so we can talk about it. What did you see?”

Acknowledge and normalize your child’s feelings.
Using the FEEL steps, help your child talk about feelings and concerns, and answer any questions they may have about the situation. Listen carefully and validate their feelings. Your child’s teacher or the librarian can recommend books to help young children understand their feelings about death and other difficult experiences.

Take care of your own needs.
Take time for yourself and try to deal with your own reactions to the situation as fully as possible. You will be better able to help your child if you are coping well. If you are anxious or upset, your child is more likely to feel the same way. Talk to other adults such as family, friends, faith leaders, or counselors about your sadness, anger, worries, or fears. Sharing feelings with others often makes people feel more connected and secure. Take care of your physical health. Make time, however small, to do things you enjoy.

Seek professional guidance.
If your child is having emotional or behavioral difficulties that start to impact their everyday life at school or with family or friends, ask for help. You can contact the guidance counselor at your child’s school or a mental health professional in your community.

英譯中版本 Translated Traditional Chinese version:

如何談論逆境
我們面對難關或逆境的反應都不一樣，如果家庭中不幸碰上不如意的事，最重要的是要幫助孩子學習如何去面對。以下我們有幾個建議提供給家長如何去跟孩子討論有關情況。

維持生活常規及日常活動
當孩子經歷沮喪或可怕的事情，他們的安全感便會破滅。家長盡可能維持日常生活常規及活動，這是很重要的。如果孩子感覺到家是安全及可以預知的話，他們會比較容易面對逆境。保持冷靜及鎮定。 孩子會深受父母的影響，尤其是年幼兒童。所以，請向孩子保證家人和朋友會照顧他們，而生活是會回復正常的。

跟孩子討論
您可能會想保護孩子而避免談論逆境的經驗，但是其實直接明朗地和孩子討論是很重要的。孩子見到的、聽到的 ，其實遠比我們想像的多，他們可以感受到我們的壓力和憂慮。

先從弄清楚孩子所認知的事情開始。 
開始談話時最好讓孩子先告訴您他們知道、看到或聽到的事情。藉著直接向孩子查問這些資訊，可以讓您明白他們有能力去理解事情的發生，以及她對這情況有何感受。不要預先假設孩子對這個情況的感覺如何，告訴孩子您想和她談論一下發生的事情和了解他們的感受。
· 「你剛才聽到我因為外婆在醫院而哭泣。你還聽到了什麼呢？」
· 「你哥哥告訴我在放學回家途中你目擊一場打鬥。坐下來, 然後我們可以談談發生什麼事。你看見了什麼？」

確認及常態化孩子的感受。 
用「FEEL步驟」來幫助孩子談論他們對這個狀況的感受和憂慮，並回答所有孩子對事情的疑問。細心聆聽和確認孩子 的感受。孩子的老師或圖書館管理員可以推介一些有關幫助幼童明白他們對死亡和面對逆境的感受的書籍。

照顧好自己的需要。
留點時間給自己，嘗試解決自己對這個狀況的反應。您應付能力良好，才更有能力幫助您的孩子。如果您感到焦慮不安， 孩子也會很容易有同樣的感受的。跟其他成年人，如家人、朋友、宗教領袖，或輔導員談論您的悲傷、憤怒、憂慮或恐 懼。和別人分享感受往往使人感到有共鳴和安心。首先要照顧好自己的身體健康。時間許可與否，都要花點時間做一些您喜歡的事情。

尋求專業指導。
如果您孩子的情緒或行為問題已經對他們的學校生活、家庭生活或朋友相處構成影響，您需要尋求專業協助。您可以接觸孩子學校裡的輔導員或社區內的心理專家。